Thanksgiving is almost here, so it's time to make sure you have deflection tactics to avoid getting sucked into an unwanted conversation with family... or...

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You can take one of these carefully crafted talking points to pull the pin and wait for the fun.

For fun, we have divided the topics into categories for your test subject, target, loved ones by age demographics.

Gen Z and Millenials:

By just clumping these two together, the seeds have been planted. Gen Z and Millennials can't stand each other's humor, personalities, or styles, so pitting them against themselves is by itself popcorn-worthy.

1. Gen Z are still children; their opinions are not wanted or needed, and they should be banished to the kids table where they won't be seen or heard. Ignore them and what they have to say; treat them like toddlers.

2. If you are FORCED to interact with one, every time you hear a young spry Gen Z'er say something that you don't understand, stop them in the middle of what they are saying and have them explain.  Even if you are not part of that conversation, heck, even if you know what they are talking about, drill down on having them spell it out.

Millennials, on the other hand, are an ocean of anxiety and insecurities; attack them. You may even be able to make a Millennial completely lose it without even having to say a word.

3. Judge Millennials by not only their individual life choices but their generation as a whole. For example, "Millennials have ruined the housing market" and "Millennials only care about avocado toast, latte's, and energy drinks."  Even if your Millennial is a blue-collar home owner, lumping them in with those who give the generation a bad name and doubling down when you need to is an easy path to paydirt.

4. We have all heard, "When are you going to give me a grandchild?"  It's tried and true because it is so successful. Challenge their worth as a person by what they don't have in their lives: children, their own house, a "real job".  For an extra cherry on top, mention how a family member or peer of theirs has already achieved those things.

Gen X

The Gen X'er can be a bit tricky to handle.  In their long time on this earth, they have become wise, but they are also prone to falling prey to their own hubris.

5. Find something that they love and say something disastrously wrong about it. "Did you know that Michael Jorden was suspended for gambling, and the NBA and him agreed that it was a retirement?" or even better, "I heard that the Pioneer Woman has all of her cookware made in Lithuanian sweat shops."  The options are limitless and hilarious.

6. Being Facebook friends with them is almost a must.  Pre-select a couple of hot-takes they have had on Facebook; if you don't know anything about the situation, find out the opposite stance, save some ammo, and pounce. "I just read that Thee-Sided Beauty Supply is a mid-level marketing scheme, and that's the same as a pyramid scheme, say Aunt Patty, didn't you use to sell that?" Pull out a chart that describes why the thing they love is bad and start the countdown to meltdown.


Boomer's are like someone who was raised by wolves; they look exactly like you and I do, albeit with a few more wrinkles, but if they are triggered, they will turn into feral beasts.

7. This one is so simple yet so sure-fire that it should be illegal.  Loudly overenunciate everything you are saying to make sure that they can hear you, and then, when they are just about to lose their wits, ask them about a completely made-up conversation "DID. YOU. CALL. DR. NRKIK. ABOUT. YOUR. IBS. MEDICINE. YET?" Chef's kiss, gaslight it up all day long.

8. Boomers are once again children; their opinions are not wanted or needed, and they should be banished to the kids table where they won't be seen or heard. Ignore them and what they have to say; treat them like toddlers who ruined the economy for everyone else. Dismiss everything they say as a cooky take from an addled mind.

Grab Bag

Here are a couple more people that you may run into on Thanksgiving that you can swing away at.

9. Pet People: It's as simple as telling pet people that they are not real parents, and having just a pet does not count, and you could never love it as much as your sister loves her twins Skeyeler and Neeb. You can also talk about how dangerous such-and-such a breed is.

10. The Already Bickering Couple: Start things off strong by mentioning an unrelated married couple and how you are so glad that Simon has cut down on his drinking and that Peggy has worked on her Amazon addiction. Follow it up by asking if they are planning to get away anytime soon, and then mention how well you have been doing at getting in shape.  Walk away for a little while; it's better to let the pressure cooker percolate.

The main thing is just to get out there and enjoy creating a little chaos, or, you know, full-blown psychological warfare.

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